Emotions at work aren’t the problem—avoiding them is

I was midway through an assessment test for a company when I started noticing a pattern. Several questions revolved around the same theme: should you show emotions at work, or is it better to keep them hidden? The questions were never framed directly. Instead, they appeared as situational judgment scenarios-how you would respond to conflict, pressure, or disagreement. But beneath the surface, they were testing the same thing: emotional expression versus control. I found myself pausing longer than expected, not because I lacked experience, but because I wasn’t convinced there was a single “correct” answer.

In many professional environments, especially in Asia, we are conditioned to believe that being composed equals being competent. Emotions are often treated as distractions, something to manage privately so they don’t interfere with performance. But that assumption has never fully matched my experience.

As a corporate trainer, I quite often run improv workshops for corporate teams, and one of the core principles I always introduce is simple: bring emotions into the room. Not in a disruptive way, but in an intentional one. Tension, frustration, excitement-these were not things to suppress, but tools to build more authentic interactions. Every time we did this, the energy shifted. People who were initially guarded became more engaged. Conversations became less rehearsed and more real. Ideas flowed more freely, not because participants were trying harder, but because they were less filtered.

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What struck me most was not that emotions made the room chaotic, but that they made it alive. That realisation stayed with me as I moved into startup environments, where the stakes are higher and the structures less defined. Ironically, these are the environments where emotions are both more present and less discussed. Looking back, the moments when my own emotions surfaced most strongly at work were rarely during creative highs. They usually appeared when I was under sustained pressure, often teetering on the edge of burnout. And when they surfaced, they didn’t come out in ways I was proud of. I became reactive. My comments carried frustration that had little to do with the immediate situation, and I often turned critical-not of others, but of myself. What felt like expression in the moment was, in reality, a loss of control.

Over time, I noticed a pattern that was hard to ignore. Whenever I reached that stage, it was usually followed by my exit from the company not long after. That correlation forced me to rethink something fundamental. It wasn’t that emotions were inappropriate at work; it was that I had never been taught how to process them within a professional context. They built up quietly until they had no choice but to surface, often in ways that were misaligned with the situation.

This is where I think many of us get it wrong. We frame the conversation as a binary: be emotional or be professional. In reality, the issue is whether emotions are processed or suppressed. In startup environments, this distinction becomes even more critical. The pace is faster, ambiguity is higher, and feedback loops are shorter. You are constantly navigating incomplete information, shifting priorities, and diverse personalities. All of these factors are emotional triggers. Ignoring them doesn’t make them disappear-it simply delays their impact.

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What I’ve come to realise is that emotional discipline is not about shutting feelings down. It’s about recognising them early enough that they don’t take over your decisions. That awareness, however, doesn’t come naturally. For a long time, I didn’t have a structured way to build it. Only recently have I started experimenting with something simple but surprisingly effective: creating just enough distance between what I feel and how I respond. Not by removing emotions, but by learning how to sit with them a little longer.

Because in the end, the goal isn’t to hide emotions at work. It’s to make sure they don’t speak louder than our judgment. When handled thoughtfully, emotions can guide decisions, enhance creativity, and even strengthen relationships. Suppressed or unmanaged, they become obstacles.

Recognising that distinction has been one of the most important lessons of my professional journey, particularly in the unpredictable world of startups.

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