When I was a kid back in the 90’s, it was normal for me to pretend to be someone else (like say, a Prince.) My bff at the time had a tent in her room, which we would play in. We could be so many different people and mystical creatures in a single afternoon (they always started at 3 pm exactly, and my mom always reminded me to bring a gift.)
In the early 2000s, I became a teenager, and the pissing contests began. Role-playing was no longer about fun, it was a serious matter of hormones and ego. Fast forward to 2019, and the vast majority of LinkedIn appears to have combined these two early and late childhood interaction dynamics into a single powerful discipline: LinkedIn Marketing.
Heres’s how it works: First, you pretend to be someone you aren’t – and then the pissing contests can begin. Here are the following ways you can do this.
1. Add every company you have EVER interacted with, or bought a product, service or coupon from, in your jobs section. That way, people just HAVE to find you. It’s the pop-up banner equivalent (you know, the ones that are impossible to click away) of professional social networking.
2. Shamelessly share post and seek out every clickbait-y content you find on the web. Your existing LinkedIn network will have a huge inventory to pick your favourites from. Remember: Mass over class. Curation is a waste of time, and time is money.
3. Massively exaggerate your virtues, so that even the highly sceptical and indifferent folks in your network get that you’re amazing. Pro tip: Be sure to mention that you are a thought leader. It basically means that in your thoughts, you think that you are a leader. And we all know perception is a reality.
4. Send EVERYONE a LinkedIn invite and accept every invite you receive. Also the ones with a special business proposal for you. Definitely the ones asking for 10-15 minutes of your time to show you their enterprise software. Meet new people, learn new things. Accumulate a massive audience for your posts about 10 unbelievable tricks for using LinkedIn to live to 100. Use link bait for maximum effect. This tool will help: www.contentrow.com/tools/link-bait-title-generator/
5. Endorse people you don’t know for skills you wouldn’t know they possess. You can practice on my profile. Affirm my proficiency in #photoshop, #wisdom and #world #peace (or #worldpeace). Also, repeat 1 to 4 indefinitely, preferably with an hourly update frequency. Engagement never sleeps.
6. Did I mention #broetry? (Google that sh**)
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